Kids in Business Series: Sammie Smarts and the Whole Day Interview

MinimallyUseful
3 min readJul 24, 2020
Already tired of this shit

You can either read the text below or watch it in video format if you’re too lazy to figure out words and stuff. You do you. We won’t judge.

Sammie’s phone rang, while she was out walking.
And the voice on her phone got right to the talking.
“Congrats Sammy Smarts! We selected you -
To come for a day of programming and fun and to interview!”

Sammie jumped for joy at her chance to speak
With this super-hot startup that sounded pretty sleek.
On the job website, on which she applied,
It said that this company did stuff with AI

The voice on the phone chimed in once more.
“Please pack a lunch because your interview will be from 8 to 4.
We need to get an idea of how great you are
At Ruby on Rails and Python and R.”

Sammie had done research, because she was no slack.
She had gotten familiar with their whole tech stack.
A lot of reviews cautioned of corporate greed,
But with this job would come prestige.

Sammie drove up to a building with an industrial feel
The building that was nothing but glass, concrete, and steel.
Upon walking in, someone pointing with flair
told her she “could wait with the others over there.”

Sammie walked to the group, and before she could say “hey”
An employee approached their group yelling “Please come this way!”
The group was escorted to a room that sat in a back hall.
It was not what Sammie had imagined at all.

The guide closed the door and said “Hi, my name is Nate
We brought you here today because your resumes looks great.”
“We can’t hire everyone.” Nate said with a grin.
“We just want to see first if you would fit in.”

Sammie got her creds and logged into her computer.
Curious if she’d do good enough to have them choose her.
She logged into the homepage and it loaded up fast.
The homepage loaded boxes containing all of her tasks.

Sammy zipped through her tasks promoting them to UAT.
But something poked at her mind, was she going crazy?
All the tasks that the company gave her
Just seemed like a ploy to get free labor.

4pm rolled around and their guide stood to say
“I know we told you today would end at 4, but you have the option to stay.”
You’ve all done so well, and the decision is near.
We just need a few more hours to make our choice more clear.

Sammie chose to stay, but some people left
They all looked downtrodden, feeling bereft.
“Who wants a tour? Now that they’re gone.
It really helps us decide who to focus on.”

Here’s our chef and area for ping pong.
It really helps when the night goes too long.
You can work your 40 and leave right away,
But it’s the workers who go above and beyond that we want to stay.

Sammie raised her hand, question in mind.
“How many hours a week do the people here work, do you find?”
The guide cleared his throat, “Well one thing is clear.
If you’re not pulling 80, we don’t want you here.”

The tour concluded, the amenities seen.
Sammie didn’t care about ping pong, but the toilets were clean.
Only Sammie remained, and she wasn’t sure how.
The guide concluded by saying “You can have your interview now.”

Sammie stepped in the room, and was welcomed right in.
“You must be Sammie. My name is Quinn.
I’m here to answer any questions you’ve got.
Though the guide said you already asked him a lot.

Sammie had questions about cash flow and funding.
Quinn’s answers were sparse and kept Sammie wondering.
Sammie had one last question that day.
She simply asked “What does it pay?”

“We cant pay well, you see we’re quite new.
We can’t pay our employees and have amenities too.”
Sammie sat in silence hearing internal warning bells
And she simply replied “Go **** yourselves.”

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MinimallyUseful

Doing more by doing less. Creators of the MVP+1 methodology of office survival.